Sept 11th 2018.
La fin de l'été / The end of summer.
I started this summer ride on a challenging note. Summer High became Summer Low. Real quick. A lot in me got turned upside down by a series of unfortunate events. The kind of tingz that make you question yourself at your core. That made me question my whole and my everything. 'Shooketh'.
Little that I knew then, that it was actually so needed for me to go that deep inwards. That in fact , the type of opposition I faced early in the summer meant to finally attack and allow me to address the buried parts of me that sometimes keep me behind mentally and emotionally.
The parts in me that barely get to show up unless I'm opposed THAT greatly.
'Shooketh'. For the (insert high number here)-th time, I had to face myself again. Assess and Reassess. No amount of self worship or self loathing would make the thoughts go away. I had to sit down and shed. Mourn. Let go. Of yet another former version of me...( How many of those left though...Jeez...) And everything that was associated with it. I have been on 'the-work-on-self' vibes for some years now but obviously, there was some corners of my soul I haven't truly looked at yet.
Well, I had to stare once again. Square in the face. And expand. Once more. Constant work in progress.
Dear Summer , I wrote you this little note below , early in July.
'My Old me playing catch up with my New me...
Can't really see ahead of..
It's I against I, and we both fight dirty.
Yet , Im trying to befriend the inner enemy.
Chill , We in this together. We on the same journey.
Wherever you go , I go.
Whether Yesterday or Tomorrow...'
I am now awaiting Fall and its renewal. Dear Summer, thank you for pushing and pressuring me to see myself more clearly. And grow once more. Work in progress... Constant work in progress...
July 5th 2018
I love you NY.
I mean I love you like I love my cigarettes.You will always be a part of me even though I can't indulge in you again... But the idea of you intoxicates me. Your smell makes me feel alive. Your noise calms me down. Your peace agitates me. You challenge me to grow every single time I re connect with you, while slightly tearing my world apart. You inflate me with new feelings/ ideas I never thought about before, never knew existed. Leaving me longing for more as I continue my journey and leave you behind...
Til' next time...